I won't go in on all of it but he wasn't allowed to talk about it for 30 years as it was one of those missions that officially didn't happen if you know what I mean. He saw his brothers get their penises and heads chopped off. My dad is a former Marine and had a mission go severely wrong. That in no way makes you a pussy as it takes more strength to face shit. I hope you can see someone or at the very least talk to your girl. Pills and liquor only suppress it for so long and next thing you know you start using more and drinking more because it stops helping you forget and need more. I think if a person is gonna break down those are some good reasons. Find human connection and hobbies to restore the bliss of better days. But it can only ease up by letting the light of love in and getting help when you need it the most. The shadow of the pain and guilt that you have casts over your heart must be and will be in time removed. The authenticity in the way that you live and the devotion and love you give unto others every single breath of your remaining days will propel the memory of your buddy forevermore. The dignity of your buddy's life who was killed in combat is honored in your tears and your affection. I have no doubt that even through tragedy, this display of vulnerability will bring both of you together like never before. Couples are drawn together by being able to overcome the vulnerabilities that they share. but there are times in a relationship where she has to play that role. Yes, it is important for you to be her rock and her emotional center. There is no shame in crying in front of your girlfriend about serious matters. My friends who have come home from active duty have told me of their missions and horrors they have seen. Whether or not your from my countries military doesn't matter as I know how horrible war can be from being the one. And be in control, rather than the one controlled.Īnd thank you man for your service I wish and hope you a good recovery from this slump and or depression. You could do so and look him in the eyes.Ī habit or addiction cannot be quit until the one addicted, sees it as an issue and wants to change it. Reach a point in your life that you would feel confident enough in which if you had the chance to meet your friend again. Do what ever it takes to get out of the slump or guilt you feel. LIVE your life to the fullest!!! If you want to honor him be there the real you, give up the liquor and the pills and be how you would want to be if you get the chance to see your friend again. if you want to do anything in honor of your friend who passed away in action. Just remember the best thing at this point in your life isn't to blame yourself but rather swear to live on for those who lost theirs.
The fact that you inside want to make up for what you cannot. Shows that the real you hasn't been lost when you when you joined the military.
The best thing you could take from telling her whats been on your mind since loosing that friend. The fact you still care about that friend you lost. The fact that your still that caring man she first fell in love with. Tell you the truth man if anything she probably just hugs you 10x as harder than before just knowing you got a real genuine heart. Everyone says war is bad yet no one or rarely does anyone actually tell the genuine horrors. As the honestly the most cowardly thing someone in or from the military can do is hide the horrors they went through as though its something to be ashamed of. If anything I think the fact you opened up to her at all about what happened would only make you seem more of a man.